I don't know how many people feel the same way as me, I mean I constantly have this overarching feeling that I am supposed to be doing something more with my life, something great and amazing that will fulfill me. You could call it a "calling" I guess, but let me use my imagination for a bit here, I feel like a strong warrior standing on the brink of a cliff looking down upon a world to conquer and have many adventures and do many great things, but all I am doing is going to school. I fee like I was born in the wrong time, like I was meant to wield a sword and not books. To ride a horse into battle, and not a car to school. My life seems endlessly insignificant compared to the feelings and urgings that my heart has for my life.
But how does this mean anything without any context to when I live, what can I do with the time that is given me? Will I let it wither and die or water my life and let it grow! As I think on that, I see in my eyes my life being split into two halves, one larger than the other, the smaller half is my bad side, always there wanting me to do things that don't have and real "watering" power over my life(maybe this is the larger side right now or at least I feel that way) maybe it's because when there is darkness around it seems bigger than it actually it while the light eagerly sits there waiting to disburse of the darkness. While the other side of my life is the "good" side, going to church and of late reading my Bible which has again become an enjoyable experience as I have taken a new appreciation for the Old Testament.
I think that I'm getting to the end of my wits at this point, I know where to go but don't find the strength or motivation to go there, but only to continue the mundane of my life as it has been, on cruise control - wake up, skip breakfast, go to school, fall asleep at school, head home or elsewhere, get home late, study/read, fall asleep way too late. live.
This brings me to the questions: are we only to live our lives, day by day, week by week? Or are we suppose to go out there and go crazy, extrapolate, give of ourselves, help others, sacrifice ourselves, become greater and stonger so that we can be led by God to do greater, amazing things that will make us love life to no end and be more than satisfied by the experiences that we have. I think yes. but how? how do we do such things. How do we get the motivation and strength to do these things? A change of heart I would say, I am having a change of heart, we need to have surgery and get rid of that somehow beating stone in my chest and exchange it for a juicy one covered in red blood. Become a warrior, I love that word and the image it gives me. But what does a warrior look like today, nothing like those of old. I don't know, I guess I will have to find out, probably something like Judah Smith might be a close picture, but I think I would be a different warrior, getting into the battle and fighting with the people in remote places of the world, conquering them for God, not in a physical sense, just in the spiritual sense. But the physical sense seems so much cooler doesn't it? or is that just because not many have ever seen the spiritual world. Lord give me and vision of the spiritual world, so that I may have the motivation to fight and become and great warrior in you Kingdom!
I know God is the answer, but I've never fully gone there and had surgery, and I think that I'm almost scared to do this, do I want to leave my mundane life and fly? Can I even do that, is it possible?
